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I'm not crying, it's just The Onion ...
When I walked into Dennis's office yesterday and he told me that Trump had named Matt Gaetz as his pick for attorney general, I thought he was joking. He assured me he wasn't and I began to feel dizzy. This happens sometimes these days. I hear these things and I'm not sure if they're real or if I've entered some sort of Bizarro-dimension.
Matt Gaetz as attorney general? That's just silly. Like a headline in The Onion. But, then, that's what I thought when I first heard about RFK chainsawing the head off a dead whale and lashing it to the family minivan — and now he's in line to head up the Department of Health and Human Services.
But Gaetz? Trump's signaling is clear: buckle up, it's about to get weird. You likely know of Gaetz. He's the rare congressman that is widely known outside his district, not because of import or legislative contribution, but because of bravado and spectacle. Kind of like Georgia's Marjorie Taylor Greene or Colorado's own Lauren Boebert. He's a master of political theater that thrives on the political fringe and has long-surfed the MAGA wave.
You may know Gaetz as that jerk wearing the gas mask during a vote on COVID funding. I use to live in the Panhandle of Florida and know him as my former congressional representative. I also worked for the paper back in Florida, so from time to time would find myself interviewing Gaetz and covering his events.
That was before he was in line to be attorney general. Back then, covering Gaetz-world seemed like fun and games, a trip to the circus, a sunny-Saturday afternoon with slushies flying through the air.
The last time I covered Gaetz, he was appearing with Marjorie Taylor Greene in a chandelier-adorned barn way outside town.This was in 2022. A few members from Bikers for Trump seemed to have appointed themselves de facto-security. It was weird.
Back then, it was easy enough to laugh Gaetz off as a loudmouth provocateur from the Redneck Riviera. A local yahoo, with minimal national consequence.
But Gaetz as attorney general? That could get interesting quick. And strange. But I guess things have been strange for a while now. Who knows how long. It seems like strands of reality have unraveled out of stories from The Onion for years. This morning, Katharhynn told me that The Onion had purchased conspiracy theorists Alex Jones' Infowars in an auction. Now, that's weird. Or, maybe it makes perfect sense. I'll let you look up whether it's true or not.
Have a Good One,
Jeremy Morrison, managing editor
jeremy.morrison@montrosepress.com
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